


The Itch

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Characters to be added, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hey yo I'm not going to ever do a Jake just as a heads up, Other, Relationships to be added - Freeform, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, bye bye, characters added as chapters are written, leave me a suggestion if you'd like, no more updates, okay so reader self harms and your choice of boys come to the rescue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-05-20 17:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 15,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6017899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You scratched at the edge  of your long sleeve shirt, desperate to get the feeling of euphoria from scratching your arms. However, you couldn't. You were out and about with a small group of your friends, and the last thing they needed was you rolling up your sleeves to show the dozens of bandages encasing your forearms. You knew you shouldn't, but the feeling of the dull pain, the satisfaction of seeing your skin bright red and many times bleeding was just too good. You hated yourself, and getting the pain you knew you deserved was too good. (Reader self harms and has their choice of comfort from any character they'd like.)<br/>((UPDATE: This will only be written and updated as comments and requested characters are expressed to me. Just as a FYI.))<br/>((UPDATE: Characters will be written and published in the order they are requested. Don't expect a recent request to be written soon, I have a backlog of 10+ characters atm.))</p>
<p>((UPDATE: Please wait to request characters from now until I say I'm ready, there are nearly sixteen chapters I need to write. Requests are being written but no new requests will be accepted from here on.))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You scratched at the edge of your long sleeve shirt, desperate to get the feeling of euphoria from scratching your arms. However, you couldn't. You were out and about with a small group of your friends, and the last thing they needed was you rolling up your sleeves to show the dozens of bandages encasing your forearms. You knew you shouldn't, but the feeling of the dull pain, the satisfaction of seeing your skin bright red and many times bleeding was just too good. You hated yourself, and getting the pain you knew you deserved was too good. 

But whenever you left the house, it was long sleeves. Nobody could see. Nobody could know. Especially not your friends, much less your moirail. You had debated scratching your legs instead, but you started on your arms and couldn't get as much pleasure anywhere else. 

That was why you anxiously ran your nails over your arms through the fabric of your shirt sleeve. You made idle chat with your friends, distracting anyone from noticing your hands perpetually on your forearms. After an hour, you all decided to go your separate ways, you needing to feel the pain before you broke down into painful sobs. There was nothing really wrong with your friends, you had a great time with them. You should be happy on all accounts. But you couldn't stop the nagging feeling you didn't deserve any of it. The feeling they were lying to you, you were a nuisance. It was enough for you to calmy step through the door of your house and remove the sweater you were wearing leaving you in a thin tank top. 

The slight sting of the cold air on the scratches not covered was pleasant, and the thought of creating more even more so.

You took a seat at the chair in front of your desktop, turning on one of your favorite sad songs and leaning back. Did you really want to do this? Really? When the chorus of the song kicked in, and echoed within you, you felt your hands move on their own. Slowly and gently at first, your fingernails ran over your exposed skin. Soon, they were pressing down hard and leaving red traces of a beautiful dull pain on your skin. It burned, but so did the tears rolling down your cheeks. Why did you do this? You had forgetten so long ago. It was how you coped now. It wasn't until a knock rang out through the main room did your mind move away from your self hatred. 

Who was knocking? What did they want? You stood up shakily and ran your hands across your eyes to stop the tears. You ran to grab something to cover up your arms.


	2. Tavros

"O-One moment!" You called out, scrambling to grab the sweater you had tossed away so carelessly earlier. You slid it on hastily, jumping over to the door and opening it. 

"Hey." You sniffled, meeting eyes with your new visitor. 

"Uhm, everything okay?" Tavros asked, tilting his head slightly to the side. 

"Yeah, yeah." You smiled, moving your arms and biting the inside of your cheek as your raw skin rubbed against the wool of the top. 

"This is your ah, sad mix, right?" Tavros asked, moving his head forward motioning to the music you had forgot to turn off. 

"Oh, you don't gotta worry about that Tavros." You stammered, trying to get the bronze blood out of your house so you could go back to your punishment. You had had a crush on the troll for a while, this was the last thing he needed to know. God, just make yourself even more of a mess to him. 

"But you only play this kinda stuff when, you know, um, you're sad. You don't deserve to be, uh, sad, y'know?" Tavros suggested, looking at you. 

"Now just isn't a good time Tav." You said a little more hollow this time. 

"Please? Let me stay for just a little while?" The boy looked at you with those large chocolate brown eyes and you couldn't help but nod. He stepped in anxiously, taking a seat on your sofa and patting the cushion next to him. 

You watched him, your skin tensing up at he made the gesture for you to sit next to him. You followed, holding your stinging arms and wearing a smile. Whether it was from the stinging or a cover, you couldn't tell. "______?" You name sounded foreign and weird, and you heart skipped a beat as you looked over at the boy. "Why are you wearing your sweater backwards?" 

You looked down, seeing quite clearly that you had indeed put your sweater back on backwards, to your idiocy. Shit!

"Ah, Just as a- Y'know- a- a joke!" You could feel your voice crack and head throb as you tried to cover your tracks. 

"A joke?" Tavros questioned, looking closer at you. You kept your gaze away from meeting the troll, desperate to keep it together long enough for him to leave, and you to finish your punishment. After a few seconds of you scrambling and tripping over your words, you felt Tavros set a gentle hand on your wrist. The music was swelling inside your chest now, the proximity and care of Tavros sending you stumbling over the edge. Now the tears fell from your eyes, sending hot trails of tears down your cheeks and hiccups out of your mouth. 

"______, please don't lie to me." Tavros whispered, pulling your wrist closer to him and wrapping his arms carefully around you. You felt yourself melt into the boy, letting your stress and emotions flow out as you clutched Tavros' shirt in your fists. He was warm, and smelling just enough of chocolate that you settled into a comfortable silence after a few minutes. "______," He whispered, pulling away slightly. You grabbed his shirt tighter. No. He was not going to leave you. Not now. You wouldn't allow yourself to be played and used like this. "Please," He whispered again, unlatching you from his shirt. You looked up at Tavros, eyes puffy and red. He looked down at you gently, eyes full of caring and a delicate sense of love. 

It wasn't until he moved his hand to the sleeve of your sweater did you try and speak. It came out garbled and sad, a hiccup interrupting you. Tavros shooshed you, nestling his forehead against yours. Normally he wasn't this forward, and it was surprising, but comforting as you didn't have the energy to do anything. 

He carefully pulled the fabric of your wolly sweater up and revealed the bandaged and partially bleeding forearm. "______," He whispered sadly, pulling your arm up to look at it closely. You flinched, wanting to pull away, wanting to hide the scars you had made, wanting to make sure Tavros would forget about it and not worry about you. "Why did you do this?" He asked, his own voice sweltering with his emotion. 

You couldn't respond, feeling another sob ready to escape your lips. He was going to yell. Storm out. Stop seeing you. What you weren't expecting was the soft lips pressing against your own. Just like the rest of him, you were suddenly ensnared in the feeling of chocolate, and your eyes looked at the trolls face. His own eyes were scrunched shut, his own pale orange tears flowing. Why?

"Why?" You asked weakly as he pulled back. 

"I want you to promise me, promise me you won't do this any more." Tavros said, resting your hand in his palm, his other hand pressed gently against your burning skin. 

"I-I can't," You blubbered, you were so reliant, so heavily anchored to this, there was no way you could survive without it. 

"Yes you can." Tavros said, voice determined. "You are stronger than this." He said, pulling one of his hands back and wiping his eyes. You just looked at him, unable to really say anything. "I want you to talk to me whenever you, uh, want to do this again. At, ah, anytime okay?" Tavros was stumbling over his words, really making sure you understood. "I don't want to see you hurt like this ever again." He whispered.

You just nodded your head at first, before letting okay a weak "Promise." Whether the care and the kiss were flushed or pale, you just let yourself melt back into the troll. You felt your tension slowly dissolve, as your head started to lighten and your extremities going all tingly. He responded with a hand on your back, pulling you into him. He was so warm. So safe. So loving. "I love you..." You muttered reflexively, feeling your eyes droop shut and mind going blank. 

"Flushed for you too ______." You heard him reply, before you fell asleep in his arms.


	3. Karkat

Or at least, you would have gotten the sweater over your head if the impatient guest hadn't opened the door before you got the damn thing on. It was Karkat, one of your long time friends and secret crush. He looked at your carefully, eyes confused and eyebrows scrunched together. You locked eyes with the troll, your own eyes only able to be described as a deer in the headlights of an oncoming car. 

Karkat looked at you for a few agonizing seconds, eyes scanning your only partially dried tears, red eyes, and finally resting on your exposed and bleeding forearms. You hadn't noticed, but you had run your nails over old wounds somewhat more violently than you had meant to, and removed a few of the previously placed bandages. 

"K-Karkat-" You stammered out, body tense and refusing to move. 

You were hoping he would turn, slam the door shut, and never talk to you again. He of all people should have known to fuck off and never communicate with someone like you again. What you weren't expecting, was Karkat to slam the door shut behind him and run towards you. Great, he was going to hit you, smack you, if you were lucky just straight up equip his sickles and cull you where you stood. The sudden weight wrapped itself around your shaking form, arms tight around your shoulders. Karkat was hugging you, oh god he was hugging like it was the last one he would ever give. 

"What the FUCK were you thinking?!" Karkat yelled, his voice wavering and arms threatening to leave bruises on your exposed skin. You couldn't really respond, only stand there frozen in time as the warm blooded boy held onto you for dear life. 

This wasn't normally like him. 

Then again, you probably didn't seem like the type who would normally self harm. 

You tried to speak, say something, anything to the nubby horned troll who had glued himself to you. "You know what, don't fucking respond. I'm not gonna listen to any of your goddamn stupid ass explanations, we need to get you fucking patched up." He pulled back, eyes pale red pools of tears threatening to boil over. He grabbed your wrist, and pulled you to where he knew the bathroom was. You followed, whimpering slightly as his grip still rubbed against raw skin and blood. He loosened his grip, grumbling an apology as he rustled through the cabinet and pulling out the bandages. 

He started wrapping up the exposed and bleeding scrapes, letting a few stray tears drip down onto your pale skin. You couldn't say anything, your self hate congealing into a solid mass of wanting to die more so than usual. "Please stop," You whimpered, pulling your arm weakly back. 

Karkat grabbed it quickly, pulling it back over his lap to continue bandaging. "Quit it you gog damn moron."

You didn't want to hear him, or even be near him but he kept wrapping your arm. Eventually, he finished the one and motioned for you the relieve the other. You refused, feeling the blood stain your black tank top.

"Don't make this more complicated than it needs to be ______." Karkat snapped. You flinched hoping maybe if you just shut down, Karkat could leave and you could just off yourself of something so you wouldn't have to see him after this. 

"Just leave. Go away." You said bluntly, pulling both of your arms up against your chest your knees following suit. 

"Don't be such a grub about this." Karkat responded just as bluntly, reaching out to grab your injured arm. 

"Shut the fuck up!" You yelled, shaking. 

"Listen to yourself you fuckwad! I'm trying to fucking help you, quit spewing hoofbeast shit!" He yelled back, grabbing your hand. He instantly mellowed down, as he held your hand and you let a sob escape your lips. You weren't sure if you were scared, or it was pain, or even if it was just Karkat yelling at you. But god damn, there you were, breaking down into grief ridden sobs as Karkat bandaged up your other arm. 

Once he was finished, your arms moved back into your chest. Karkat watched quietly, opening his arms slowly and moving over to wrap his arms gently around your back. You were still crying, but as the boy nuzzled his face against the back of your head, you couldn't help but calm down slowly. His legs were on either side of you, arms delicately on your waist, and powerful heartbeat sending comforting waves through your back. It felt like a long while until you silenced, eyes running out of tears and voice scratching the edge of gone. 

"Done crying?" Karkat asked, trying to be gentle and sensitive. You weakly nodded, trying to even out your breathing. "You're not allowed to do that any more, you hear?" Karkat said, resting his chin on the top of your head and moving his hands to rest on your bandaged arms. 

You opened your mouth to argue, when he cut you off. 

"It doesn't matter what the shithive maggots you think you're going to say, I'm gonna fucking kill you myself if you say you might do something that fucking stupid again. You're not fucking allowed to hurt yourself like that," He said, arms moving to gently rest around your waist. "And I'm not going anywhere until you motherfucking you say you won't." He held you gently, but almost how a child held a favorite plush. 

"Will you leave if I do?" You whispered, enjoying the warmth and importance you felt in Karkat's arms. He cared. In his own crabby way, he was worried about you and didn't want to see you hurt. And when you realized, you never wanted him to leave. 

He didn't respond for what felt like an eternity, but when he did it was worth the tension. 

"I'll never leave you." He said quietly. Those words. The love and care you felt radiating off his warm body. You felt a new sense, a feeling like discovering a favorite movie. Something you would never be tired of, no matter how many times, it would always be welcomed and valued. 

It sent a few more tears running down your cheeks, your heart throbbing painfully. "I love you." You muttered, leaning back into Karkat. 

"Was that pity?" He asked with a somewhat chuckle. 

"Yeah." You reply weakly. 

"Pity you too." He responded, pressing one of his hands on the top of your head.


	4. Gamzee

You threw the sweater on over your head, rushing to open the door. "Hello- Oh! Hi Gamzee." You said, looking up to meet eyes with the tall troll standing outside your door. 

"What's up sis?" Gamzee called, his voice loud but also somewhat muted. He was high, and you could tell from the way he swayed slightly and smiled eyes half lidded. 

"Nothing much," You lied, "Why did you come over?" You asked, not wanting to invite the highblood into your house. You had had him over tons of times, and as many time as you had tried to convince yourself you didn't, you had a crush on the sopor drinking purple blood. 

"Wanted to check in on my favorite human sister," He said, pointing inside the room, "Mind if I up and motherfuckin' chillax?" He asked, a small honk escaping his lips. 

You stepped back, letting the tall boy step inside and flop down onto your sofa face first. You couldn't piss on hospitality. It was funny enough, watching Gamzee, only made more hilarious as the honk of his horns which echoed throughout the main room. "Do you have horns in your pockets?" You asked, a smile sitting on your face. 

"You had best motherfucking believe it human sis." He said, turning to meet your eyes and smiling dopily. That was it, a few giggles escaping your lips as the tall boy rolled onto his back, more horns honking as he did so. "Why the sad tunes, ______?" He asked, looking at you as you took a seat at his feet. 

Shit! You forgot to turn it off! "I'm sorry Gamz, I'll turn it off now." You spoke, starting to stand up. 

"Nah, Nah. It's chillax." Gamzee muttered. "It's okay to feel sad sometimes." You weren't expecting the somewhat sage voice that left Gamzee's slow lips. "Your feelings are all up and real, my sis." He sat up uneasingly quick, locking eyes with you. 

About to respond, you were cut off by Gamzee pressing a finger to your lips. "But it's not okay to hurt yourself like that." He finished sadly.

How did he know? You had been careful to cover them, not showing the twinges of pain you felt. 

"I recognize the ache in your pretty eyes." He spoke again, "And it's not motherfuckin' cool, a miracle like you deserves to be happy and loved." He said, draping his long arms over your shoulders as you locked up. 

He figured it out, he knew your secret, and what would he do? Tell everyone? "Gamzee I can explain-" You started, before he pressed his finger to your lips again. 

"You don't gotta explain nothin." Gamzee cooed, wrapping his lanky limbs up and around you. "Let's just relax and shit." He said. 

You nodded, Gamzee's voice calming you down and letting a few loose tears drip from the corners of your eyes. "I'd like that." You muttered, leaning into the tall troll who held you snuggly. He smelled of his sopor pies and faygo, but not in a disgusting kind of way. It was almost calming, a smell you knew and had come to appreciate. It meant there was someone to protect you, someone to love you, and someone to make you smile. It was almost too sweet, and hanging around him for too long you felt you might get cavaties. 

“Maybe you could take the horns out of your pockets?” You asked weakly, sniffling as Gamzee pulled you onto his lap and a horn pressed against your hip. Instead of getting an answer, he leaned back as far as he could, eventually flopping down back onto the couch with you on top of him, your back to his chest. More loud honks rang through the air, rising even more laughs from you and a few from the clown you were laying on. 

His laugh seemed to work wonders, a downright miracle if you do say so yourself. The sad music still drifted through the air, but now you had a smile to fight back the sadness. Laughter was what he gave you, and it was a beautiful thing.

“Thank you Gamzee.” You mumbled, letting out a calm sigh. 

“It’s no problem babe.” He said, gently wrapping his arms up and resting his hands on your stomach.

“Babe?” You asked, a heat growing over your face. 

“Shit, sorry if ya don’t wanna be called that, I just got the biggest flush crush on you and seeing’ you all motherfuckin' sad really made me motherfuckin’ worry about ya.” He said, nuzzling his face against the top of your head. You looked up at the troll, his messy hair, long spiraling horns, and now slightly smudged face paint. It warmed your heart. He was worried about you.

“I think I’d like to be your babe.” You reply, moving your hands to rest them on Gamzee’s. 

“What a miracle, I got me a beautiful goddess as my matesprit.” He cooed, letting his hand move up to grab yours. "Do you scars still hurt?” He asked. “If they’re bleeding I can patch them motherfuckers up.” 

You moved your arm, feeling the skin stretch but not break. You had scratched, but not broken skin. “I didn’t actually break the skin.” You mumbled.

“What a miracle.” Gamzee replied with another dopey smile.

“What a miracle indeed.” You replied, letting yourself drift off into dreamland with Gamzee’s heartbeat lulling you into a sense of comfort.


	5. Dave

You had one arm through a sweater sleeve when the impatient—and unwelcome—guest knocked briefly, before entering the house. It was Dave, a friend of yours who you hadn’t seen in a long time. His hair was still the same shade of bleached blonde, glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose and a firm line drawn taught where an expression would be.

However, that expression quickly changed when he looked over at you, as in your panic you stopped fighting with the sweater to instead just shove your arm through the available arm hole and fight it into place. It was bundled and curled tightly around your head, neck, even keeping one of your arms up at a rather uncomfortable angle.

“H-Hey Dave!” You called from inside the sweater beast, an attempt to be chipper and distract yourself from the fresh scratches you had made and their slightly scary burning. 

“Uh, hey.” Dave responded. “It all up and profitable in sweater town for you in there? Some kind of twisted ass reverse mortgage on your own face? You in deep to the crochet mob?” He asked, his words only partially making their way through the thick wooly fabric.

“No, Just a little wardrobe malfunction!” You tried to wave you hands reassuringly only to have them get further caught in the fabric. It made Dave smirk, almost laughing from the way you struggled to fight the piece of fabric that wasn’t even trying to attack you.

“Let me help you out of there,” He said, stepping towards you when you took one back.

“Nonono!!” You said, much too quickly. “I-I’m fine! You can go, if there was no real reason for your visit!” You said with a voice on the very edge of shattering into confused tears. 

“______,” He spoke, taking another step towards you. You took another one back, Dave couldn’t find out. Dave couldn’t know, he would make fun of you, or even worse say nothing and never come back again. 

The two of you continued this awkward shuffle of a strife until you moved to take another step back and tripped over the small ledge that lead to your couch. You yelped, falling back as a strong wrist latched onto your own.

“Be careful,” Dave said, “If the crochet mob really wants you then the last thing I need is them coming after me for letting you hit your head and die or something.” He said, helping you to stand back up. He let go of your wrist, and went to wipe his hand on his shirt when he noticed what he thought was sweat, was actually blood. It was your blood. “Oh shit ______, you’re fucking bleeding.” He said, his voice only growing slightly louder than the monotone you remember it being permanently set at before. 

“I-It’s nothing," You said, hoping Dave would believe you and just leave. Fat fucking chance of that happening. This Strider was too much of a gentleman to leave you if you were injured. 

“Hold still ______, I’m gonna cut off your sweater.” Dave said as calmly as he could, the fabric was no use in him determining exactly what was going on in here. He had wanted to check in, make sure you were doing okay, which you clearly weren’t. Equipping his welsh sword, he made a clean slice and you felt the fabric restricting your movement fall to shreds. You reflexively felt your hands move to shield your face. 

Your partially bandaged forearms and bleeding scratches only were shown off this way though, and Dave took in a sharp breath at the sight.

“______?” He asked quietly, as you started to shake, afraid of how your friend would react to your scars. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He spoke quietly, stepping close and wrapping his arms around you. “I’m so fucking sorry I haven’t been here for you.” He muttered, disappointed in himself.

You first tensed under his touch, before relaxing. He still felt the same as he did what felt like so long ago now. His smell had changed, but he was still the same Dave you had fallen hard for. The glasses, the AJ obsession, it was your Dave. And just being embraced like this, you couldn’t help but cry into his warmth, balling your first with handfuls of Dave’s shirt. He was so goddamn familiar, a beacon of consistency in this changing and horrifying world.

“I’m not gonna leave you, not like this.” Dave spoke into your hair, still holding you tight. “We need to get you cleaned up though," He said, “Shuffle our way to the bathroom?” He offered, as you kept your grip on his shirt. 

You didn’t respond, and Dave took matters into his own hands. Carefully, Dave lifted you up into his arms and with a little help from you—who was pressed against his chest the whole damn time—Dave set you down the toilet lid to grab a first aid kit and cover up some of your more avid scrapes. You couldn’t really look at him though, just watch his calloused fingers dart across your skin to cover and treat the more serious injuries. You could’t really say anything now, your voice gone and mind following close behind. It was nice though, feeling important. Feeling like someone cared.

“You’re not allowed to do this shit anymore, alright? I find out bout any more of this and I’m flying so graciously off the handle I’ll get perfect tens across the board and a solid nine point five from the stick-up-his-ass Russian critic.” Dave spoke, his voice somehow both comforting and worrisome. After a few minutes, you reached out and delicately grabbed the back of Dave’s shirt as he was putting away the first aid kit. 

“Yeah?” He seemed to ask.

"Thank you.” You replied, voice hoarse and eyes tired.

“Just tell me whenever you wanna do something like this, I’ll be over in a flash with some shitty swords or a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic to take your mind off it.” Dave promised, reaching down to pick you up again. You let him, and directed him to your bedroom. He laid you down, before laying down beside you. You must have spooked him seriously, normally he wouldn’t want to be in such close sleeping quarters with someone else, but this time he laid right down beside you.

“Not letting you out of my sight.” He said, shades still on and hair a mess.

“Thanks Dave.” You murmur, before closing your eyes for the night. Just before you pass out, you feel a pair of warm lips press against your own. He said something you couldn’t quite get, three little words, and you murmured them back before getting your first real night’s sleep in a long time.


	6. Kurloz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a certain someone who requested some Kurloz

You sighed, as the figure behind the door knocked again. At least they were being polite, you guessed. 

You grabbed the baggy sweater off the floor, and slid it on not bothering to fix your riled hair. Hurriedly, you opened the door finding a black and white patterned chest in front of you. Kurloz was the knocker, a small wave greeting you from the troll as you looked up to meet eyes. You spoke a quiet 'hello' to Kurloz, your eyes moving to his now signing hands. 

At first you had no problem reading him, but progressively felt your eyes droop and unfocus. Was he still signing? Was he even still there? You were too out of it to know. 

Kurloz finished his sign and waved again when you didn't respond. He watched you for a few seconds, before leaning down to meet your gaze. Your eyes were unfocused and bloodshot, as you had just been crying. The dark rings under your eyes were even more prominent, larger than your eyes themselves. After a few seconds of scanning your eyes for activity, Kurloz used some of his hypnosis to knock you out. Your eyes fluttered shut, and the highblooded troll grabbed you gently as you fell into him. 

With one arm under your knees and one supporting your neck, Kurloz walked into your house to lay you down. He passed the couch silently, you needed some good sleep. He found his way to your bedroom, setting you down carefully on the bed. Reflexively, he grabbed the office chair on the opposite side of the room, sitting beside your sleeping form and making sure you were comfortable. 

 

When you woke up, your hearing was muted, and sight hazed. It took a few moments for you to fully regain consciousness, and when you did, you sat up. Kurloz was sitting on your office chair just to your side, arms crossed on the back rest and he looked at you worriedly. You were about to ask when he began signing. This time, his hands were sharp and clean, easy to translate. 

"YoU wErEn'T uP aNd FeElInG wElL SiS, wAnTeD tO hElP." He signed, and nodded to you. 

It indeed helped, you couldn't remember the last time you got a good solid sleep in you. Mostly you had been plagued with nightmares, and an uninterrupted rest like that felt incredible. 

"Thanks Kur." You spoke. You rubbed your eyes and shook your head to move your horribly messy hair out from your eyes. Slowly, the memories of last night trickled back into your mind, and you went to grab your forearm. You winced as the wooly fabric rubbed against the scratches, which sent a wave of worry through your visitor. He was about to ask this time, when he felt everything click into place. Sullenly, his hand moved up to trace the stitches in his lips, you watching. 

"iT sEeMs LiKe It HeLpS, bUt It'S a CoNsTaNt ReMiNdEr Of WhAt YoU'vE dOnE wRoNg SiS." Kurloz signed slowly. "DoN't LeT yOuRsElF gEt LoSt iN wHaT yOu wErE. lOoK fOrWaRd." He finished, standing up to move beside you on the bed. Carefully, his arms moved to enwrap you, gently squeezing your shoulders. You felt yourself break down, clutching to the Makara and letting the hurt draw it's way up and out of your mouth. 

He was just so warm. Warmer than you were expecting for someone of his blood color, warmer than you, it was so welcoming. He just sat and held you as you sobbed, hands tracing small circles on your back. His arms and his breath and his very being here set something off deep within you. 

Safe. Warm. Cherished. Important. All the things you thought you could never feel, Kurloz gave to you. 

You eventually calmed down, but still held to him. You never wanted to be separated from him. You whimpered quietly as he nudged you, and you looked up at him for an explanation. A few stray purple tears had fallen from his eyes, streaking his face paint. 

"I lIkE yOuR hAiR :o)" He signed, a smile lighting up his face to bring an odd juxtaposition to his tears. 

One of his gloved hands moved up to brush against a section or your uncontrollable hair. Delicately, you grabbed his wrist and guided it through your hair. It hadn't been brushed in so long now, it rivaled his own messy curls. 

"Thank Kur." You chuckled weakly. The two of you sat for a while, cooperatively finger combing your locks until you gained the courage to speak. "Kurloz, will you be my matesprit?" You asked, habitually tightening your grip on his wrist as he pulled his hand down. 

His fingers moved fast, but not too fast for you to miss them.

"I'd LoVe ToO ______ :oD" He smiled at you, the silly lopsided way only a Makara could, and hugged you again. 

"MaYbE wE gOtTa Up An' ClEaN yOuR wOuNdS, My MaTeSpRiT." 

You nodded, wiping a few final stray tears away. You could tell, neither of you were exactly normal, but this was going to be the start of something beautiful.


	7. Eridan

What you weren't expecting, was putting the sweater back on and feeling the sharp spikes of pain running through the bleeding forearms as they came into contact with the fabric. You stifled a half sob half groan, and cringed, falling to your knees on the floor.

"___?" A muffled voice asked from the other side of the door.

“I-I’ll be right there!” You said, your voice a half whine.

“___ wwhat’s wwrong?” You could hear the voice begin to fumble with the doorknob, and you finally realized who was on the other side. No, you couldn’t let him see you like this, Eridan would freak. “I’m comin’ in.” He warned, beginning to open the door. You ripped the fabric off your arms, throwing it the side.

“Please!! Don’t!” You could feel your face heat up, tears pooling just behind your shut eyelids. “You can’t!”

You didn’t hear the door open any more, and when you looked up it was open, but only little, you couldn’t see the violet blood. “___?” He asked again, your name—or shortened version that it was—coming out worried and almost scared.

“Please Eridan. Please just leave me alone.” Your voice dropped, head turning to look away from the door in shame.

“Damn, I don’t wwanna leave you alone if you’re hurt.” There was a brief shuffling on the other side of the open door, before he spoke again. “You got a pilloww or somefin? Don’t wwanna sit on this floor like a landdwweller for too long.” 

“Y-yeah.” You sniffle, being sure to stay on your side of the door grabbing a throw pillow and sliding it around the door. The ring clad hang reached out to grab it, and there was more shuffling.

“Thanks.” He spoke. 

The way he said it, it just got to you and you couldn’t help but let but let out a weak laugh. “You can be such a drama queen sometimes Eridan.”

“As a highblood, I resent that, ‘specially comin’ from somebody with blood like yours.” He replied, half offended.

“Yeah… Blood like mine…” You said, eyes looking down at your forearms, part of the sweater fabric in the scratches. 

“Have you been doing that thing again? That human complex thing?” He asked. You looked up at the door, to where you could guess Eridan was sitting. “Normally somefin self-destructive like that is grounds for cullin’. Didn’t wwanna say anyfin, evven though you humans don’t exactly have cullin’.” Eridan sounded almost worried.

“What complex thing?” You ask back, a weak laugh preceding it.

“I may havve fins but I ain’t deaf. The music playin’ isn’t your normal mix.”

“You recognize my usual music mix?” You asked, hands gently holding the seem of your tank top. 

“It’s normally not too bad…” He said, and you could almost hear the embarrassment.

“That makes me happy.” You replied quietly, a gentle smile gracing you lips. He always seemed so distant, he shied away from you whenever you were hanging out with Karkat or Feferi. The troll always seemed so anxious around you too, making you in turn afraid you were doing something wrong. But when you did talk, it was amazing. He seemed so snooty and just slightly whiny, but he could always get you to smile. He could be a bit war hungry in a chihuahua way, but you could always calm him down when you were talking one on one.

“Havve you hurt yourself?” He asked again. About to stifle out an answer, you hold one of your bleeding forearms, and wince. You can’t lie to him. 

“…Yeah.” 

“Can I come out from behind the damn door noww?” He asked.

You nodded, before speaking your confirmation. He stood, and the cape was the first thing you noticed. It just swayed in the slight breeze from the open door, and it made you weakly smile.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, ___.” He said, a hint of fear. You nodded, and took his hand to help you stand. Eridan led you to the bathroom, the troll careful to keep his hand just below the scratches. Whether or not it was for your comfort or so he didn’t get blood on his hand, you weren’t sure. He stood to the side of the sink as you cleaned your forearms, and uncomfortable silence resting over the two of you as Eridan left to grab a towel. 

 

When he returned, your arms clean and raw, he started wrapping them. What you didn’t notice, was the purple bandages he used matched nearly exactly the fabric on his cape, and the boy seemed to hide mostly behind his scarf.

“Why didn’t you grab the white bandages?” The rainbow of colors were mostly there for when you should have to play doctor to any of the hemofacist or color specific trolls that came around; a powerful blue for Equius, the violet for Eridan, there was even a few red and blue band aids for Sollux. 

"'Cus if you wwanna do this shit again, you wwon't be able to. A nice rich vviolet." He finished one arm, gently taking your other. "You'll be reminded of me. My color." He spoke somewhat quietly now. "___, your awwfully smart, your pretty good lookin', wwhy do you wwanna hurt yourself like this?" 

"I'm not..." You murmured in return. "I'm weak, and pathetic, a-and I'm useless. This way I feel how I deserve to, my disgusting blood can spill and it can be good for everyone." You squeezed your eyes shut, and hiccuped as your tears spilled down your cheeks. 

What you weren't expecting was a slightly cold pair of lips on your own. Your eyes didn't open, but your arms ran around Eridan's shoulders to pull the fishtroll flush against you. He was cold, but so warm. His arms moved to slowly hold you in return, and when you pulled away, out of breath, your head moved to nuzzle into his blue scarf, sobbing quietly and shaking in his grasp. 

"___," His own voice seemed hurt, "You're none a those things. You're beautiful and nice and you treat me like a real person, and it hurts me so much to see you like this." He held you delicately, as if you were a doll in his grip. "I'm so flushed for you it's not evven funny, please promise you'll stop hurtin' yourself like this."

Your tears subsiding and your arms releasing him, your hands moved to rest gently on Eridan's cheeks. "Do you mean that?" You asked quietly, hands shaking slightly as you looked up at him. He didn't respond immediately, but the violet spreading across his face let you know. 

"Did I fucking say that out loud? S-Shit." He mumbled, fins moving flat against his head. 

"I love you too." You spoke, thumbs gently tracing the small freckles on Eridan's cheekbones. One of his hands released your back, and moved to gently grasp your bandaged arm. He moves the arm, pulling it and pressing a kiss to your palm. 

"Promise you wwon't do this shit anymore?"

"Promise." You weakly chuckled, as Eridan's eyebrows wiggle childishly and he gently licked your palm. "Eridan!" You said, pulling your hands back and wiping the tears from your eyes. 

"I missed that beautiful smile."


	8. John

"______?" The voice on the other side of the door asked, followed by more knocks.

"I-I'll be right there!" You called out, grabbing a sweatshirt from the floor of the nearby hallway. In this case, you suppose your lack of energy for house cleaning could be useful. You pull the sweatshirt on, slam your hand down on the keyboard to stop the music, and pull the door open. Before you stands John Egbert, goofball extrordinaire and your heart lurches to a standstill.

"W-What's up John?" You fumbled slightly with your words, around John and his little buck teeth you were never the smoothest. 

"I heard from Rose you left the girl's day pretty quick. I wanted to check in on you." He finished with a slightly shy smile. "If you're not feeling too good, we can watch a movie or something!"

"I'm fine, really. You don't have to stay around here." Your hand rested on the side of the door, careful to hold the sleeve tight in your palm so it doesn't slip down. 

"______?" He asked, bringing your gaze from the concrete back up to his deep blue eyes. "I really like hanging out with you, and I hope you don't mind me too much. Please?" His shoulders rose up, and his lips pouted pleadingly. With a sigh, you backed away from the door and let the windy boy in. John bounds in, and turned, that heart melting smile still on his face. "Hey! I can turn on Face-off!" He grinned, moving to grab your hand and tote you along. Instead though, his hand wraped around your wrist and you let out a slight whine and cringed. 

His whole demeanor changed, shoulders slumping and face moving to a mix of worry and fear. "I'm sorry, are you hurt?" He asked, pulling back his arms. 

You shake your head. Now isn't the time for this. Watch movie, John leaves, then everything can resume. The tears building up behind your façade beg to differ, as they slowly began to trickle down your cheeks, no matter how hard you rubbed them away. 

"______?" He asked quietly, hands flat against his chest as he leaned down to try and meet your gaze. 

"P-Please... Leave..." Your words had begun to fail you, and you felt your legs would next. "I don't want you to see me like this." 

"______, I want to help." John replied. With a delicate grip, John moved to grab the sleeve of your hoodie. "I don't want to do anything that will make you uncomfortable, but I need to see what's wrong." His words were slow and precise, things you had never expected from the young man. He raised the fabric gently, seeing the scratches and half dried blood making his face darken. "Did you do this to yourself?" He asked, his voice nearly breaking on the last word. 

You nodded. 

In an unexpected motion, John threw his arms around you, pulling you tightly into his chest. The blue of his shirt quickly filled your vision, before you closed your eyes and clung to the young man. You hiccupped, cried, you just let it all out. He held you tightly, and if you could hear over your own embarrassing sounds, you would hear John's own sounds, much more muffled.

"Please. Please don't do this to yourself ______," His hands held your opposite sides tight, almost as if he let go, you would shatter to pieces. "You have to tell me you'll never do something like this again." 

You honestly couldn't respond. The boy who had always seemed the item of everyone's admiration was suddenly clinging to you as if you were the most important thing in the world. "It's how I cope John." You replied, hands still clutching the balled up fabric of John's shirt. "I can't live without it."

"Yes, you can." He spoke, nearly cutting you off. "______, you're so strong, and kind, a-and I've had the biggest crush on you for the longest time," His words once again picked up that Egbert speed as he rambled, one hand moving to hold the back of your head. "And every time you smile it's like somebody let a bunch of butterflies loose in my stomach, And knowing that you feel like this is killing me." He words resonated within you, your hands shaking slightly. "I understand if you don't feel the same way, but please just promise you won't hurt yourself like this any more." His glasses were now tilted ridiculously, and as you pulled away to look up at the heir you pulled them down. 

They were folded, and hung on the edge of your shirt, before your hands moved up to wipe his tears. Your own were slowing, but John's eyes, they moved you in a way you couldn't explain. "I promise." You said. You had no idea where the words had come from, and you weren't even sure you would be able to stop for sure, but the way John looked at you in that moment. You knew. With him by your side, you could do anything. 

His sad smile made your own emerge, and his head moved to rest on your shoulder with his arms still holding you. He let out a loud sigh, before a question. "Maybe, if you'd like, you could be my girlfriend?" 

"I'd really like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Slick, then Vriska. No real reasoning, I just managed to turn out the slick one really quick so it's nearly done.


	9. Spades Slick

There were a few more knocks on the door, before the impatient guest opened it themselves. You were sliding on the sweater from earlier, and looked up to meet eyes with a familiar dersite. He stood, left eye covered with that eyepatch and grimace set on his face. Slick's eyes scanned you carefully, before resting back on your face. 

"What are you doing?"

"Now isn't a good time Slick." You replied, your voice peaking briefly. 

"Well, damn. Looks like it doesn't matter. What are you doing?" He asked again, closing the front door and making his way over to you, your posture frozen. "Did somebody hurt you?" He asked, voice making a brief jump, worry being heard. He was normally more distant than that. You had only ever heard him really worry like that a handful of times. 

"No-"

"Because if they did I have more than enough knives. I can fuck them up. Stab 'em real good." He was standing just to your side now, hands gently hovering near your arms. 

"Slick, I did it." You say, trying to seem strong while your voice shook like a leaf. 

"What?" He looked up from your forearms to meet your eyes. His black face contrasted so much with the familiar expression of what he called 'human worry.' 

"I-I did it to myself." 

"Why the hell would you do that?" He asked, and you could tell he was close to yelling. His black hand moved out now, roughly grabbing your wrist and holding it tight. His cold almost ceramic like fingers were welcoming in that painful way, and you winced. "Dame, why the hell did you claw up your arms?"

"I deserve it..." You voice faltering, returning to it's frightened state. 

"That's just stupid." He grumbled. "Nobody deserves something like this. Pain without a cause, that's what this is." His grip eased, releasing your arm. "You gotta clean this up, and not do it again." He was less calm and detatched than usual, the killer you knew he was replaced with an almost doting partner. His hands rested anxiously in his suit pockets, a habit he displayed in states of fear or nervousness.

"But I deserve it!" You snapped, as the dersite was turning to shuffle for some bandages for your arms. He turned back immediately, and almost snarled. 

"No, you don't! Fuck... I'm not the best with words, anythin' I can't understand I stab, and I haven’t been able to stab words yet so here me out.” His left arm moved to adjust the black hat sitting on his head, metal clinking slightly as it bent. “You’re awful nice, and you don’t run away or scream when I show up covered in blood, or lock your door when I come around, fuckin’ hell ______, you’re just a really nice, gentle lady.”

His face seemed to flush a gentle deep red, as if he was embarrassed, and you felt a heat climb across your own cheeks. You were about to respond with how you felt; the thoughts, the unhealthy wants, when he honestly shooshed you. His metal finger pressed against your lips, an almost pout on his own lips.”I really wish I could stab whatever words you’re about to say. You ain’t some trash, and you are worth at least seventy scottie dogs.”

“Seventy scottie dogs?” You said, wiping the tears from your eyes.

“At least.” His speech may have seemed lackluster, but you could tell the effort and emotion he tried to put in. For him, it was better than any long or detailed speech anyone could give. Your hands moved to pull the sweater fabric around you tightly, and let out a small smile. Spades extended his arms delicately, looking away from you. With a slight giggle, you took a step closer to the dersite, who wrapped his arms around you. The metal felt cold against your back, but the knowledge of being protected and cared for more than made up for it.

“I really like you Slick.” You murmured against his black suit jacket, letting out that finally bit of pensive emotion. “Thank you for everything.”

“’s not a problem. You’re not gonna do shit like this anymore, okay?” You nod in response. “Now come on, I want to get you cleaned up. Fix you up.”

“I think you’ve fixed me up a lot already.” You replied, finally letting your tears flow down your cheeks.

“Shit, did I do something wrong? I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He turned into that doting partner again, and held one hand against the back of your neck.

“No, Slick, don’t worry.” 

“Too bad, all I’m gonna worry the shit about you every damn day now. And you don’t gotta keep calling me Slick. Spades is just fine.” He still seemed embarrassed, but his robotic hand moved down to hold your own. “Can I get you cleaned up now?” You nodded again. “I can get blood out of anything, record time. Deuce thinks he can do it quicker, but he can’t if his shirt gets sliced to bits first.” His mischievous grin made a small laugh bubble up from your chest, and his grin grew even brighter. “I really like you too ______.” 

He looked so happy, and the feeling of wholeness that filled you as he led you to where your first aid kit was, was pleasant. In that moment he was so human for someone who never was, and it made you smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking I'll use the end notes as a place to let everyone know my timeline. Next is Vriska (for that wonderful lady), then Sollux, and then Cronus.


	10. Vriska

“C’mooon,” The voice on the other side of the door whined, knocking eight times more. 

“One moment!” You called out to the visitor, when they replied.

“______! Let me in already!” Vriska’s voice echoed through the door, and as you slid down the sweater from earlier you pulled the door open, to reveal the impatient troll standing on your doorstep, arms crossed and lips pursed.

“Took you long enough ______.” Vriska spoke, inviting herself into the main room.

“H-Hey, Vris this isn’t really a good time.” Your arms shook as you watched the womanly troll stroll into your living room and take a seat on your couch with a overdrawn sigh. 

“I know, I can’t believe everyone can be so fucking dumb sometimes.” She took a few strands of hair and twirled them between her fingers watching in minor discontent. Normally she was attractive in that dominate assertive kind of way, but now she was more like a demanding cat lounging in the middle of the hallway.

“No, Vris I mean this really isn’t a good time. Please leave.” It almost hurt you to shoo her out like this, but you had a duty to fulfill to yourself and the bleeding wounds on your forearms.

“I mean it’s like nobody ever fucking listens to you, when you’ve got important shit to say! Karkat never shuts his mouth, and I’m nearly convinced he wants to go black with me if Strider wasn’t there to keep crabby on a leash.”

“Vri-“

“Like, no, I don’t wanna go black with you! Terezi got me pale, and my eyes are on somebody else in the other redrom-“

“Shut up!” You yelled, interrupting the cerulean blood in the midst of her talking. About to say something else, you felt the overwhelming pain flood over you again, letting out an angry cry and pressing the balls of your hands against your eyes. The tears were flowing now, your hands rubbing violently into your eyes, your legs shaking. “p-please… just listen to me…” Your voice was dipping and diving as you spoke, and when you finally collapsed to your knees, you couldn’t stop the hiccuping or sobbing.

“Please, just listen to me… I’m here…” You babbled, hands moving to constantly wipe the flowing hot trails of tears rolling down your cheeks. 

“______, please calm down,” Vriska spoke, her own voice a slurry of worry and fear.

“I’m here… I’m a real person… I-I matter!” You cried out, sobs still interrupting your speech, your arms moving to rip up the sweater sleeves and claw at your exposed forearms. Quickly, a pair of arms made their way around your shaking form, long dark hair falling down alongside your own, wrapping you in a black curtain. Vriska knelt in front of you, keeping you in a gentle embrace with her chest pressing against your arms to stop you from hurting yourself further.

“You are…” She murmured, suddenly that oh so rare calm and protective woman you had fallen for so many weeks ago. ”I’m sorry for talking over you ______.” Her voice was quiet, soothing in it’s way you couldn’t quite understand. “You do matter. You are important. You’re cool and fun and understanding and trustworthy…” Vriska spoke, her shock still riding the undercurrent of what she was saying. "Just calm down..." Her forehead pressed against the side of your neck, you still hiccupping and let out garbled sobs as she held you. 

It took a few minutes for your breathing to slow, a few stray wheezing fits coming and going before you were done. After it had settled, your arms moved from digging into your skin to gently wrap around Vriska's back. She hugged you back, the two of you falling into silence. "I'm sorry..." Your voice was hoarse, and you still clung to Vriska. "I'm so sorry..."

"Shhhhh..." Vriska cooed, pulling back slightly to meet eyes with you. Her eyes watched your features worryingly, eight pupils scanning along every trail of tears, every stress line on your face, her eyes reading all of your emotions. "Hey, no matter what, I'm gonna be here, okay? I'm gonna listen, and we can be loud and obnoxious and powerful all on our own, and I'll protect you and make sure you're happy." Vriska's face lit up weakly, a sad smile on her lips. She lifted one of her hands to rest on your cheek and brushed away your tears. 

You were about to stammer out an excuse, some kind of response when Vriska's lips met your own in a strong kiss. You felt yourself melt into it, and eventually you were crying into it hugging her tightly in your arms once again. 

"Flushed for you ______," Vriska muttered, her free hand running through your hair. "And I promise. You won't be alone. Not anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Vriska took so long, I just have some troubles writing her. Next up: Sollux, Cronus, Kankri, Diamonds Droog, Clubs Deuce, Kanaya, Nepeta. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and requesting!


	11. Sollux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people like bees

You slid the sweater over your head, moving to open your door. “Hey bee boy.” You said, meeting eyes with Sollux.

His bicolored glasses gave off a glint, a kind of smile in his own way. “Hey __.” He spoke, shortened version of your name as welcome as ever. 

“Doing okay?” You asked, sniffling as you spoke to him.

“Migraine,” Sollux replied, asking in his own way to come inside. The two of you had spent a lot of time together in the past, comfort for his migraines and your emotions. “By the lookth of it, you could uthe thome comfort too.” He murmured, hearing the sad music and and stepping closer to you.

“I-I’m okay,” You stuttered, stepping back to allow Sollux into the house. Even if you felt useless, at least you could do something for the boy you had a huge crush on. He had confided in you that you were the only one that really helped his headaches, and that had made your whole month. 

"Yeah, and I'm the model for mental health." He said, walking into your place and snagging the office chair that sat close to your bookcase. 

"Now that's funny," You said, trying to have that familiar lighthearted tone in your voice you normally had. 

“Juth get over here __.” Sollux spoke, his voice just on that edge of demanding that you had to follow it. 

You trodded over to where Sollux sat, taking a seat at one of the kitchen stools and looking at him. "Can you do the thing?" He asked, looking away and brushing his messy black hair back with his hands. You nodded, standing and pulling over the stool to sit behind him. You took your seat and got to work. 

You fingers moved, brushing quickly and smoothly through his messy hair, palms caressing and gently massaging his scalp. He almost seemed to melt into the office chair, a quiet purr escaping his lips. You smiled, and continued to brush and trace imaginary shapes on his scalp, carefully avoiding his horns but brushing the tender skin at the base and between the two sets. By the end he was less of a troll, and more of a puddle, to which you couldn't help but continue. Your hands kept moving, drawing from the base of his neck up and soon you were humming. You weren't sure how long it had been, but Sollux was most likely asleep. He did that sometimes, as much as he hated to admit it. But then again, you never saw anything of the sort according to the mustardblood. 

You let a low note roll from within you, a quiet tune forming, which quickly developed into singing along to the song playing on your speakers. It wasn't exactly sad, but it wasn't happy either. By the end of the song, you were a blubbering mess, your hands still soothing the troll. Your quiet cries were stifled by the biting of your lip, Sollux could not know how broken you felt. Eventually though, you pulled your hands back and hugged them against your chest, doing your best to cry silently to little avail. You eyes scrunched shut, body curling in on itself. Just a little bit. Sollux was asleep. He wouldn't know. It would feel so good. You kept your eyes closed, but rolled up the sweater's sleeves. 

You were expecting the warmth of the familiar burning, or the slight wetness of broken skin. What you weren't expecting was a warm hand suddenly resting on the exposed arm. You jumped back at the touch, rear end sliding off the the stool with both you and your seat tumbling to the ground. With a whimper, you landed on your back on the floor, a few curses heard as the gemini scrambled up from the office chair to kneel beside you. "F-fuck, __ are you hurt?" His hands hovered above you, unsure where to put them to help. 

"No..." You sat up, sleeves falling back down to cover the mess that was your forearms. Sollux kneeled in front of you, and his eyes seemed to read every line on your face, despite not having pupils. 

"I'm glad you're not hurt, but let me thee your armth again." Sollux spoke, trying to be gentle but falling just short. You shook your head. 

"Don't worry about it Sol, I'm fine."

"No, you're fucking not. Let me thee." He was getting snappy now, a downside to his duality. He seemed to bite his forked tongue, and moved his hands to gently clasp your forearms. You whined, the pressure feeling so good but so bad. "What happened?" He mumbled, as he drew the sweater sleeve up. 

"I deserved it..." You replied weakly. 

"No, you fucking didn't. What the hell maketh you think you detherve thomething like thith?" His lisp, combined with the worry clear in his voice made it hard to understand exactly what he was saying, but you could take a guess. 

"I'm useless Sollux. I can't do anything right, a-and everyone just lies about liking me, and I don't deserve you, or any of you guys as friends," Everything just seemed to explode, and when you finally put a cork in your rambling Sollux's psionics were crackling around his horns. 

"Who thaid that?!" He snapped, a snarl resting on his face. "Who the fuck thaid that to you?! I'll kill them! I thwear I gogdamn kill them!" He shook his head furiously and his glasses came askew, horns still crackling and eyes glowing their faint respected colors. 

You paled, color draining from your face. 

"You are none of those things! __, You're fucking fantathtic! You're beautiful, and calm, and you put up with all of my thit and you help with the migraineth and you are worth more than the universe," his voice seemed to slow and calm down much to your comfort, when "And anybody who thays otherwithe ith going to have to go through me!" With a large psionic crackle between his horns briefly wrapping Sollux in a psionic halo. 

You jumped at the sudden noise, and clung on to Sollux. He tensed briefly, before relaxing and holding you in his arms. "Pleathe, tell me if you ever feel like thith. I'll be here. I'll do whatever you need." His hand moved from holding you, to tangling itself in your hair. "__, I'm tho unbelievably red for you. Like redder than the thothe wondeful plant blothom that bloomth near your hive. Pleathe don't do thith to yourthelf anymore."

You nodded weakly, and finally broke down, holding fistfuls of Sollux's black shirt sobbing into him. He shuffled every once in a while, but kept one hand around your waist, and one running through your hair. A few stray words escaped your lips. "I love you Sollux..." Soon, you had been the one to fall asleep this time, still clinging to the bony troll but warm and happier than you had been in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Cronus, Kankri, Diamonds Droog, Clubs Deuce, Kanaya, Nepeta.


	12. Cronus

Upon further reflection, it was probably just one of the trolls. They could go and hang out with someone else. Maybe it was even a ding-dong ditch, or a delivery or something. You turned off your desktop, and picked up a sweatshirt from the hallway floor, before pulling it on and falling into your bed. It was always nice to fall into unconsciousness for a few hours. Whoever was outside could go find someone better to hang out with, go find their own way to spend the night. You laid awake for a while, shedding a few tears into the pillow and holding it close before finally falling asleep. 

You woke up briefly, startled back into conscienceness by a loud strike of lightning. Quickly though, the now thudding of rain on your roof settled you back into a restless sleep. 

It was close to sunrise when you woke up. Not exactly though, the light was dim at best, around five thirty if you had to guess. Your stomach rumbled impatiently at you, as you hadn't eaten much in the past few days, and with shaky legs you got out of bed meandering to the kitchen. The bandages and antiseptic were still sitting next to your monitor, to which you could only push them back. Maybe later. No, definitely later. 

You shuflled around in the kitchen for a few minutes, grabbing some half decent granola bar and taking a bite before going to the front door. Time to see if it was a delivery, you told yourself opening the door. To your shock, instead of a package, there was a cold shaking form on your doorstep that let out a sneeze. Quickly, you jumped out from the doorway and shielding the troll from the rain. He was wearing a leather jacket, and the familiar lightning bolt horns tipped you off immediately as to it being a certain Ampora. He was curled up, still upright but eyes hazy at best and body shaking. "Cronus, what the hell are you doing?!" You snapped. 

"Heyyy kitten..." His voice took a few tries to make real words, and you realized the fool needed to be taken into your place before either he died, or the sun rose. 

"Get up you soggy moron," You grumbled, kneeling down to slide one of Cronus' arms over your shoulders, helping him stand. You took him inside, dropping him on the couch, a cold wet fish troll with a nasty cough. He curled up on the couch, and you moved to get a blanket to wrap him in before you were going to have him change. "What were you doing outside Cronus?" You pulled a thin blanket from the closet, before returning and draping it on the Ampora. 

His speech was interrupted a few times by sneezes, but you heard clear enough. "Roxy said you left girl's day early. You vwere actin' all wvierd and you looked real sad. Vwanted to try an' cheer you up." 

"By sitting on my stoop all night in the rain?" You sat beside Cronus, folding your legs and gingerly rubbing your arms through the old sweatshirt. Was it really that obvious?

"'Yer nutrition block light vwas on all night. Wvasn't sure when you'd open the door. I knocked after all." As if on cue, the pieces clicked into place, and your stomach flopped uncomfortably in your stomach.

"You should have gone home Cronus. Then you wouldn't be all," you looked him up and down, normally slicked back hair falling forward on his face in a way that did things to you you could never tell him about, shivering, and presumably on the edge of some kind of fishtroll sickness. "This. You could be at home, healthy, happy." 

"You knowv I mean vwhat I say all the time, right?" He almost seemed to miss what you were saying entirely, he was looking at you with some kind of loving gaze, but you knew better. "You're amazin' and you're so nice and ah-choo!" Cronus was talking, when a sneeze interrupted him. 

"Go take a hot shower Cronus." You muttered, standing up. "It'll be morning soon, you can sleep in my bed. I have some stuff I need to do." It hurt you a bit to lie to him, you didn't have anything planned. But Cronus falls asleep, wakes up, goes home, and you'd be straight back to self-loathing and emptiness. 

"Care to join me kitten?" Even with your back to him you could hear the suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. You let out a stifled laugh, and returned to Cronus to pull him off of your couch. With more help than he would care to admit, Cronus got helped into your bathroom, and you took his leather jacket to go dry it. 

You took it to your kitchen, carefully laying it out on a towel. Your brain took a few long minutes of hearing the shower running, before it finally clicked. What was Cronus supposed to change into? You heard the water stop, and you rushed to your bedroom. Not too many of your clothes would fit him, so you decided to grab a pair or your pants that were too big, and the biggest sweatershirt you had. The only downside was you were wearing it, but you took it off and folded it, being sure to have the inside of your arms facing up, so he couldn't see. You waited outside the bathroom door, and when it opened, Cronus' head briefly sticking out, you shoved the clothes at him before you could see anything else. With nothing else to say, you went back to the kitchen. He could come get you when he was ready. And he did.

The violet blood stepped into the kitchen, wearing a pair of your jeans--that seemed to fit him eeriely well--and the zip up hoodie which for some reason wasn't zipped. You stared briefly, before he spoke. "Too hot. Think I'm ovwerheatin'." You nodded. 

"Hopefully feeling better?"

"A lot. Can I showv you something?" His voice almost seemed fearful, and you nodded. Cronus sat at the kitchen counter, you taking the stool next to him. You looked at him, examining the high cheekbones and dark freckles that made him just so attractive. His hair hadn't been styled, it hung loose and wet forward on his face. He moved, pulling a large part of it up and away from his face, the portion of his hair hanging around his fins more specifically. As he did, you looked closely, and saw scars around the edges. Some were large, others small, some thin violet streaks that looked somewhat recent, others thin silver lines that had all but disappeared. The edges especially looked like they had been attacked as if by scissors. 

"What happened?" You asked quietly, slowly moving your hands up to his fins. He flinched, but let your fingers trace the edges and lines of his violet fins.

"I did it. For a wvhile people didn't believe my humankin." He seemed to be a bit anxious talking about it, but continued. "Thought that if I shovwed evweryone howv serious I vwas, they'd hawve to beliewve me. I didn't like myself, the man I am, and vwanted to fix myself. Punish myself for being different, for not being normal." He looked over in your direction, making you look away. You knew he was humankin, and tried to respect it, but this was entirely new. The feelings you had built up for the troll were blossoming incredibly, so much pity and want to protect Cronus. 

"But I realized that there vwas no point in torturing myself for no reason. I may not look human like you, but wvho I am as a person is more important than those destructivwe thoughts. I needed to stay strong and proud of vwho I am."

Now you could tell he was talking to you, his slightly cold hands resting on your forearms. It really was like he was looking straight through you, and you let your arms fall down to rest in his hands. Your lip pouted out, you doing your best to hold back from crying as Cronus looked at you with those big violet rimmed eyes. You fell over though, tears spilling out from your eyes as you latched onto the troll. His arms wrapped around your back, and held you tightly. "I just really lowve ya ______, please tell me you'll stop."

You nodded into him, and held him in return. The two of you may be a bit worse for wear, but together you would never have to be alone. 

"I love you too, Cronus..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kankri, DD, CD, Kanaya, Nepeta, Terezi, Mituna, Crowbar, Damara


	13. Authors Note

Because nobody seemed to understand the note in the summary: I am NOT taking any more requests until I am caught up with those that have already been requested. I currently have this order to conplete; Kankri, Diamonds Droog, Kanaya, Nepeta, Terezi, Mituna, Crowbar, Damara, Rufioh, Dirk, and Calmasis. There have been many repeats, and I am doing the requests in the orders of them being requested. Although many people have requested Mituna, someone requested Kanaya almost three weeks ago and Kanaya will be written first. 

As of this moment no more requests are being taken until further notice.


	14. Kankri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kankri tells you I(The author)'s favorite saying

You scrambled through the living room, picking up the sweater from the floor and sliding it over your head to pull the door open and meet gazes with a certain bright red sweater. Or at least you would have, if your inhibited motor controls hadn't been so easily affected by the strong swing on the door that when your sweater sleeve caught in the door handle, you went tumbling down. 

“_-______!” Kankri called out, stepping into your house and kneeling beside you, as you desperately pulled on the sweater sleeve and felt the room begin to spin. “Please calm down, this frantic and extremely physical display could be triggering to someone, one of the two of us included as your actions are worrying and confusing.” Kankri continued talking, and you nodded slightly. “I am going to be attempting to remove your sleeve from the locking mechanism.” Kankri spoke clearly and slowly, and when his clawed fingers finally detangled the fabric, you shakily rose to your feet, Kankri standing a few moments later.

“I’m sorry Kankri. Y-You can go now.” You spoke, walking away from the doorway to return to your desktop. You took your seat at the office chair, pushing away the pre-set out bandages and pausing your music.

“_____, I find this whole display very triggering, your incessant refusal of eye contact, your hunched posture, the blatantly sad music and appearance of the inner workings of a medicinal kit beside your husktop,” He spoke, first angry and ready to fly into a long lecture about respect and proper upkeep of one’s hive, when the pieces started falling into place. “The deep bags under your eyes indicating lack of sleep or general unrest, the long baggy clothes you drape across your person as if hiding something,” Slowly, the candy red troll closed the front door, and made his way to beside you. “I would like to apologize if this triggers you _____, but I have a rather important question.”

You turned your head, eyes beginning to unfocus as even though there was someone right beside you, you rubbed the itchy fabric of the sweater against your scratches.

“Trigger warnings; doubt, suggested red romantic inclination related worry, self hatred, self harm.” Kankri spoke quickly. “Are you self harming?”

Your face would have paled if you hadn’t already lost a fair amount of blood today from your scratching this morning in the shower, and now the sticky redness soaking into the sweater you were wearing. “Kankri, don’t be ridiculous,” You spoke, a half smile spreading across your lips. “I’m really fine, you don’t have to stay, go lecture Cronus about how he hits on everything that breathes.” You said weakly, trying to push the troll away so you could finish what you started. After this, maybe it was finally time to move up to your shoulders, the skin on your arms beginning to tingle as if in anticipation.

“I am deeply apologetic for what I am about to do.” Kankri stated, before using his faster speed to grab one sleeve of your sweater and throw it up past your elbow. You didn’t really fight back, it took a few seconds to realize what the troll was doing and by then you were too mortified to retaliate. 

Kankri seemed too horrified to do anything either, eyes wide and mouth slightly open as his pupils traced every long scratch and scabbed line that decorated your forearm.

“K-Kankri, p-please…” your voice wavered and head began to pound as the troll just looked at you. 

His breathing suddenly spiked and when his eyes moved up to your face his eyes were still clouded and unfocused. He had even been expecting it and he was on the verge of an attack, Kankri grabbed the fabric of his sweater, shaking his head to calm down the floods of adrenaline attacking him. "Why do you do this?" He asked, "Are you not in pain?! The pompous and ridiculous defacing your body like this, it's, it's triggering, for lack of a better word!!" He raised his voice, such a rare display that it brought you off guard, shying away and into your office chair. 

Kankri seemed to calm down rather quickly though, perhaps getting over the shock. "______, this clearly shows very poor self care credientials and a powerful want of self destruction. We need to clean up all of this, mess, and talk this out. That is, unless you'd like to talk to a professional, because those trained specifically in handling cases like these should be less likely to inadvertantly trigger their patients whereas my inexperience could do so; like I just did, subjecting you to much unecessary pain." Kankri ran his voice back into that comfortable smothering consistency again, and you couldn't help but nod. When he talked like that, long speeches and rarely a pause for breath, it made your chest do stupid things. It wasn't annoying, it was comforting, like a blanket draped around your shoulders. Everything was going to be okay, because Kankri was telling you so. 

"I deseve it Kankri, I-I'm a mess, and everyone hates me, and I don't want to get off scott free when everyone else has to deal with my crap all the time..."

"Nobody is dealing with you ______, we want to be around you. On this one occassion, I believe it necessary to talk for everyone, trolls and humans alike. We worry and platonically want to make sure you are alright. I know that I may talk excessively in some cases, but please realize I am also a rather gifted listener. Nobody wishes to see you harmed in this way." Kankri's voice quited slightly, and it filled with more emotion. "You are kind, and respectful, and beautiful and if I may say so, a very wonderful person. As an observer I can see that you are having trouble understanding this for yourself. You deserve so much more than anyone can provide for you, myself included. In this one case, I am willing to repeat myself when I say that you are a fantastic and blossoming grace." 

It took you a few moments after he stopped talking for everything to set in. "D-Do you think you could say that again?" Your vouce was shaky, eyes watering. 

"You are worth the moon and all the stars." Kankri said, finishing with a sad smile. 

"Can I have a hug?" You babbled, shocked smile sitting on your face as you looked up at the sweatered troll. He seemed to have a brief internal debate before leaning down to you in the office chair and letting you wrap your arms around his shoulders. 

"Vow that you won't hurt yourself like this anymore. For everyone, for me." His voice dropped at the end of his sentence, and it rippled within you. 

"I promise."

"Thank you." Kankri mumbled, his own arms moving to hold you in return. 

"Thank you." You muttered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: DD, Kanaya, Nepeta, Terezi, Mituna, Crowbar (possibly), Damara, Rufioh, Dirk, (gneutral) Calmasis, Feferi, Meenah


	15. Diamonds Droog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long, expect more soon

You were rushing to grab the sweater when your ankle caught the corner of the sofa, twisting and bringing you tumbling down with a shriek. You landed with a hard thud, arms landing at painful angles and head bouncing against the floor. There was almost a kind of audible fuzz for a few seconds, and you closed your eyes to try and adjust. When you opened your eyes you were welcomed to the familiar dersite mug of a friend, red diamond clear as day on his jacket pocket. 

"You alright?" He asked. His cold carapacian hand was on your cheek, and his small eyes were almost filled with worry. 

"Yeah..." You grumbled, pulling your arms up and against yourself while staying seated on the floor. 

"Aren't you normally more graceful than that?" Droog asked, a smile trying to make it's way across his features. 

"Aren't you normally not the type to enter a friend's house through a window?" You asked, recognizing the familiar breeze drifting from the window beside the door. 

"Touché." He was normally never this relaxed, with the rest of the midnight crew Droog was always focused, prim and proper. Between the two of you he could relax a little, although his insistence on perfect manners most of the time drove you crazy. "Are you sure you're alright?" 

You were about to nod as his hand settled on your elbow. "Don't lie to me." He said, his voice quieter than normal. You didn't even need to look down to remember the scratch tracks trailing up and down your forearms. 

"Droog, I'm fine." You spoke, before being interrupted. 

"______, I said don't lie to me." His voice sounded hurt. "This is serious, this is-" He seemed to be looking for the right words. "This is messed up." 

"I deserve it." You replied flatly, drawing your knees up to your chest.

"What?! No way!" He adjusted the way he was sitting, now with his legs crossed and hands on his knees. "Missy, you do not deserve anything like that. Much less the feeling that you do." He was actually more expressive than you originally gave him credit for. "Can I at least get you fixed up? We can finish talking about this later.” 

You shook your head. "I don't want to. I want to be alone." 

"As much as it pains me to overlook your wants, your safety comes before anything else." He stood up, and extended his hand down to you. "Shall we? Or will I have to pick you up?"

You could tell from the tone in his voice that he was completely serious, and you complied. Droog pulled you to your feet with a certain class, you were actually expecting to be spun around as if in a ballroom. His hand moved from holding yours to gently hovering around your waist, and it made you feel even more like some kind of princess. 

He knew his way decently around the house, leading you to the bathroom with the largest first aid kit. He had been in the bathroom a handful of times; just back from a job, bleeding heavily, hat gone, shell shattered in a few places. He was so weak in those moments. Weak, but he still came to you for help. Now though, as he sat you down on the closed toilet lid, you realized he would be the one dressing your wounds. 

His hands moved quickly and carefully, cleaning and wrapping your forearms tight, but not too tight. “You aren’t allowed to do this anymore, you hear?” You shook your head in response. 

“This is how I get through the day Droog, I need to do it.”

“The only thing you need to do is call me up when you start feeling like this.” His voice was quiet again, and when you looked up at him confused, his normally small and beady eyes seemed to be filled with something you couldn’t place. “Any excuse to get away from Slick when he’s being a dumbass is welcome, especially if I get to hang around you and be useful.” His carapacian hand rested on your bandaged forearms, a settling weight that made the pain slowly disappear. “So no more of this.”

“I think if you’ll be around to help I can manage.” You spoke, tears pricking in edges of your eyes as you stood up from the toilet lid, moving to gently hug Droog. He hugged back, a small chuckle reverberating from inside his shell that did stupid shit to your chest. After resting your head on his shoulder, you looked up to lock eyes with him, and steal a gentle but sincere kiss. Diamonds were always your favorite suit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Kanaya, Nepeta, Terezi, Mituna, Crowbar (possibly), Damara, Rufioh, Dirk, (gneutral) Calmasis, Feferi, Meenah.


	16. Kanaya

You grabbed the sweater solemnly, sliding it on with a grim disposition. Pulling the door open, your eyes widened briefly as you recognized the graceful presence of Kanaya Maryam standing on your doorstep.

“Pardon me ______, I did not intend to intrude if you are busy with something.” He ears twitched slightly at the volume of your music, earring chain jingling. 

“No, don’t worry, I always have time for you Kan.” The truth was, even if you didn’t have time, for Kanaya you could always make some. She was just so beautiful; tall, rounded in all the right ways, she always spoke so pristine but also so- well her. There was no other way to explain it. And you guessed that was why she had held your affections for this long now.

“Oh, thank you. I was wondering if perhaps you wished to come along to my hive and enlighten me on some of my new designs? Human fashion is rather different than Alternian as you could guess. I want to make sure it is perfect. A model really, different body types and all that.” She smiled that little fanged smile that melted your heart, and your eyes froze on her dark lipstick. The things this troll woman could do with makeup, where you couldn’t even use liquid eyeliner without making a mess, it was insane.

“I mean, if you really want me to come over, I guess I can’t object.” You stepped back inside, moving over to your computer and shutting down the music before the monitor. “But only for a little while, okay? I gotta sleep and I haven’t eaten in a while.” You fumbled out, carefully pulling your arms into your chest as you closed the front door behind yourself. 

Just a little while. For her. Even if you kept messing things up, at least you could do a little something for her.

Kana nodded excitedly, “I am just pleased to have you in my company this fine evening ______.” The sun was just at it’s early stages of setting, and you found yourself gazing at it a few times as you walked to Kanaya’s hive. When you arrived, she pushed the door open and led you inside. There seemed to be even more fabrics than the last time you visited, and some of the red fabrics themselves seemed to be torn at the edges. Your eyes scrunched slightly as you walked by them, but you continued following your hostess.

She led you to the mannequin room, a small collection of the figures in the back with a wall set up to block the view, and a makeshift runway set up. “I will wait out here, you can find a few outfits either folded or on display, you can pick of your own comfort.” She spoke, taking a seat in the folding chair at the end of the runway, grabbing a sketchbook that you recognized as being filled with her designs. 

With a sheepish nod and a swallow of your spit, you walked up the runway, to examine the different piles of clothes all folded with small notes on them. They were all signed in that familiar jade, beautiful looping cursive.

‘Summer, main colors- yellow, orange, ash grey.’

You walked down the tables, examining each set of clothes, some holding purses and handbags where others contained jewelry or gloves. With each one however, your hopes shrunk and shrunk even more. Not a single one had long sleeves. It was close to fifteen minutes now, debating whether or not to change into anything at all when Kanaya’s voice spoke to you from around the partition. 

“______?” 

“S-Sorry Kanaya! I’ll b-be right out!” You tried to let out a light hearted laugh, but it came out more like a choked sob before your hand clamped over your mouth.

You picked up a shirt quickly, coming to terms it was a tank top and moving to pull off your sweater. You did, a sickening smile breaking out as the fabric rubbed against your raw skin and you noticed the rather disgusting look of bandages and dried blood on your newly exposed skin. “I can’t do this,” you whimpered, squeezing your eyes shut. It was one thing to do it alone in the privacy of your house, but no one could see. No one could know. Especially not Kanaya. And for her to find out in this way, you simply couldn’t allow it. “Kanaya, I-I’m sorry but I can’t do this. I changed my mind.” Your words hurt, almost as if they were spiked as they came out from your mouth.

“I apologize if I have done something wrong, but I respect your wishes.” Kanaya replied, worry flicking along in the undertone of her speech.

“I wish I could. Really. I guess I’m just not pretty enough to model your clothes.” Great, now you were bringing your self loathing to the party.

“You are the most beautiful person I know.” Kanaya responded almost immediately. “The way you sway your shoulders when you walk, that little giggle you do that defies the classical laws of affectionate displays, your hair that flows and catches the light in the perfect way as to frame your face, you exude true grace.” You froze in your tracks as you listened to her talk. “Your eyes, I find myself getting lost in them rather frequently if you’d pardon the cliché. You are truly beautiful ______. It pains me to hear that you do not see as I see.” She stepped out from behind the partition, eyes meeting yours. 

“I’m not any of that Kan, you’ve gotta be talking about someone else.” Your voice was breaking now. 

“Yes, you are. Even with those nasty scars.” Her voice was lower than normal, a soothing almost waltz through the air between the two of you. She edged closer, and rested her hand on the exposed ski of your forearm with a small wince escaping you. “Perhaps I could,” Her eyes traced your arms worriedly. “Help clean you up?”

 

“I think I’d like that Kanaya.” You babbled, small smile crossing your lips and you made eye contact with her once again. She looked at you like you were the whole world, and every second you lapped it up. To someone like her, you could be this important? It was nearly unbelievable. But still, the way tears dripped down one by one from the corners of your eyes, and her gentle hand moved to wipe them away, you leaned into her.

“Will I… Have to clean you up conventionally?” She asked quietly, once your quiet sniffling calmed down. That explained the ripped red fabrics. “You have always been so beneficial for my cravings.” You laughed, at first quiet before shaking your whole body. 

“No Kan, whatever helps. As long as you’re not just keeping me around for a meal.” Your arms moved to wrap around Kanaya’s back and you sighed slightly as she embraced you in return.

“I would never.” She replied, nuzzling her cheek against yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Nepeta, Terezi, Mituna, Crowbar (possibly), Damara, Rufioh, Dirk, (gneutral) Calmasis, Feferi, Meenah.


End file.
